On ... Trying to Make the Reality of Enchantment As Delicious as the Idea Of It
Is the reality ever as good as the fantasy??
Have a think about those times when you see an Instagram post of something deliciously enchanting that someone has just done (and for your own sake, if you’re new here, do clue yourself up on what I mean when I use the word Enchantment!). For example, a morning in a hotel room (sans kids), complete with hotel breakfast (in the room, of course), plush white robe and coffee, or a few hours someone has had to themselves to do a yoga class, or go for a run, or maybe a night dancing, or a few hours spent in a bookshop cafe, or maybe they just had a nice, long, essential oil-filled bath. Whatever it is, you get what I mean.
Have you ever realised that, quite often, if/when you do get to experience any of these yourself, it doesn’t always feel as nourishing as that picture of it looked like it would be when you were in your tracksuit making dinner, managing the kids and knowing you’ve still got to clear up and get the kids bathed and to bed?!
Just after my son turned 1, I had a work commitment in town and my husband suggested meeting me there in the afternoon and us staying in a hotel overnight - his mum had offered to have our son stay over.
I’d dreamed of this moment. I, after all, gave birth to a child who seemingly needed no sleep, so for 12 months I’d been salivating over pictures people posted of “nights off”, especially ones in hotels.
When we were there, however, as lovely as it was to not be needed, all I kept thinking was how it wasn’t long enough. By the time we arrived at 5pm and had to leave by 11am, it wasn’t even anywhere near 24 hours. Were we going to go down for dinner or get room service? Have a swim or have a bath? Use the gym? Watch a movie? Have sex? Or just sleep? It was all so overwhelming and I felt more tired when I came home than when I left! (Yes, yes, I was grateful to stay in a hotel, I know how lucky I am, but give me some grace to be honest a moment. And of course, we did not have sex.)
Have you ever felt like this?
It’s the same if I get an afternoon to go to a bookshop cafe (my ultimate form of Enchantment). As lush as it is, the actual feeling I have when I’m there, if I’m honest, never feels as lush as the idea of what it might be like before I go. I end up having to check work emails, and often get overwhelmed by the amount of books around me that I still want to read and haven’t yet. A bit like when a night out feels like a really good idea but when you’re there you’re dreaming of your couch? Or you watch clips on social media of home-schooling, home-steading parents play in nature with your kids and when you try to recreate it, it ends in arguments and injuries? And when you ask people how their holiday was, don’t they always say “Lovely but I feel like I need another holiday now!” or “Feels like it never happened now!”
It’s not always like this, of course. Sometimes the great things really are great.
But, I wondered to myself these past few months, is the reality ever as good as the fantasy - in any aspect of life? And if not, why not?
Another thing that’s happened this week is that I found some old footage of my Moroccan grandmother that none of us had ever seen before. How did I have this in my own possession - on my hard drive no less - and never see it? I do believe my grandmother guided me to find it this week, as I started writing this article, to bring all my cousins together in a WhatsApp group (all 27 of us) to share old photos, videos and memories and speak about what nostalgia means to us.
The memories I have of my childhood in Israel are tainted with an almost bitter nostalgia. That kind of bitter nostalgia when you feel nothing will ever match up to a time in your life that was perfect and can never be recreated. We all spoke on this group about how special those times were; how close we all were; how special our family is; how those were the best times of our lives.
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But was this really the case? Or do we remember it like that because we choose to? In reality there were many family feuds, a lot of trauma, and for me personally, I always felt inadequate around my aunties and cousins who were all a very specific breed of beautiful.
So, having mulled over it a lot recently, I’m going to tell you what I’ve deduced about why nothing ever seems as good in reality as the idea (or memory) of it.
The answer seems to be fairly simple…
It seems that the only reason anything ever feels disappointing, is if we’re not in the present moment when experiencing it.
I’m sure Eckhart Tolle already told us this?! I must’ve missed the memo.
What do we need in order to be experiencing present moment awareness? Self-awareness. Self-awareness - as I tell my clients on a daily basis - is key to all growth.
Could it really be this simple? I think it may well be.
Perhaps I was grounding myself into the present moment when I was meditating or walking in nature, but not during the small, everyday moments. And isn’t actual meditation really about bringing awareness and presence to everything we do?
Ok, so it wasn’t just Eckhart; the ancient scriptures talk about this too. Jeez, did I even miss the Vedic memos!? Where have I been??
Present Moment Awareness. That’s literally it.
It turns out, this may just be the key to all human happiness.
What?? Have I just figured out why humans get depressed or experience the feeling of lack and jealousy and unfulfillment and unhappiness?!
Could it really be as simple as Present Moment Awareness?
I promised I wouldn’t speak about “wellness” on this platform, because this is the one place I can write about absolutely everything else.
But it seems that if I’m seeking Enchantment (really just another form of Joy) in the everyday, “wellness” cannot be left out of this equation.
Present Moment Awareness IS the ultimate form of Wellness, because it leads us to find Joy in the simple moments in our daily lives that end up being our most significant memories.
And how can we be Well without Joy?
So, dear reader, will you join me in this challenge to find the Joy and Enchantment in the everyday, by simply breathing into the present moment each time you’re doing something you want enjoy, like playing with your kids, reading a book, having a night “off”, going for a walk in the park, or anything else?
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As I write this, I have a whole day and night to myself (the family headed off on holiday 2 days before me as I have a work commitment tomorrow so I’m currently at home revelling in the peace).
I’ve meditated, worked out, made myself brunch, done some work and, when I finish writing this, I’m going to sit on the couch with a book.
With each task I’m breathing deeply, grounding myself into the moment. I’m reminding myself that time passes oh so quickly, and perhaps that’s why we find it so hard to remain present, because it’s all so fleeting.
Those childhood memories? Maybe they just passed us by when we were busy having fun so we didn’t have time to be conscious of the fact that these may just be the best times of our lives.
And maybe that’s ok too.
Moving forward, however, I’m going to take every single experience life offers me, and try my utmost to BE IN IT. Truly in it, and see if that leads to more enjoyment of the seemingly insignificant; to greater joy, greater Enchantment, and therefore, the feeling that the best time in my life isn’t when I was eating ice lollies in a bucket of cold water with my cousins in the front garden in Israel, and won’t be during my next holiday, but right now.
Wishing you a week filled with Joy and Enchantment,
Lauren